Life

I've come to the not-so-startling conclusion that life sucks. And not just for those of us who are unemployed and praying that they can get a paycheck in soon (bills don't pay for themselves). Even those with a job have their own issues. Will this paycheck be enough? Can I support my family?

But enough of their problems. Here's mine (yes, I'm going to be selfish, get over it).

I started working for Walt Disney World earlier this year (February) in one of their Quick Service restaurants. It wasn't the job I wanted, but I had a foot in. The pay was shit, the conditions worse, but I did my duty and went to work every single day that I was scheduled. I showed up an hour early (sometimes more) and was always jumping around like a nut job. Why? Because that was what we were supposed to do. Do you think anyone else did this? No, they hated their jobs.

Fast forward to the end of June. I was working at our ice cream stand (we had a burger place and an ice cream place). Earlier that week (and that day), we were told that we were allowed to try one of the new smoothie flavors. By the managers. Please keep this in mind as you read about this stupidity. End of the shift, we have to throw out the smoothies we didn't sell (I could cry at the amount of money they wasted at this place). While we were pouring it out, I was asked if I wanted to try some -- well sure! I hadn't tried it yet, so whatever. It gets poured into a cup (I dump most of it out) and put off to the side. I try some, it's okay, and I fill the rest up with soda (which we were allowed to have) for the ride home.

Please note that everybody working has taken something at this point in time. Someone had a cup full of ice cream, another had a full cup of smoothie, and another just finished a cookie.

A manager comes up and see my lonely cup. He asks whose it is and I admit it's mine. He asks me if I asked a supervisor and I told him no because we were never told we had to go through one. He informed me of the fact that I had to, I apologize, we threw the cup away, and went on with business. The next day I was written up and put on paid suspension (which I haven't seen the money for). A week later, I was terminated for "not following company policy."

Remember everything else others took? Also note that not even a week before that, I had worked an 11-hour shift with food poisoning. Food poisoning.

Whatever, I cry for a day and I'm over it. Flash forward to the end of July and I'm sitting in an interview for a position at a Veterinary clinic. I would be their kennel tech as well as a media assistant. Score! Perfect job for me! Three days later I'm in a working interview. The same day as that interview, I'm hired. My start date was August 1st.

The job was amazing, if not tiring. I got to be with dogs all day. Take care of them, bathe them -- everything. I could handle the roaches and the vomit and the other stuff that comes out of dogs (one ate a leather boot, poor thing). When I wasn't cleaning things or playing with dogs, I was writing blog entries. I had found my niche in life and I couldn't see myself doing anything else in my life.

Which is probably why I'm in such a rut right now.

I was closing Thursday, September 29th (four days after my birthday) and waiting for the schedule for October. Everyone else in the clinic had gotten theirs except for the kennel team. My lovely coworker and myself made a few grumbles about it, but went on as normal. I didn't think anything was amiss until I went to take the trash out. I was emptying one by the boss' desk when I did see our schedule. There was one problem -- I wasn't on it.

Cue panic. Once we were alone in somewhat of a secluded room, I told my lovely coworker that I had seen the schedule, but my name wasn't there. We both panic (she did tell me that she thought she would be getting fired before me) and try to be normal for the last hour of work. I was told to talk to le boss before I left, so I got everything done before heading to the office, already almost hyperventilating.

Yep, I was let go. I admit my mind blanked as soon as it was confirmed, but I got the words "not enthusiastic or compassionate" from her at least. What the flying fuck? I'm not compassionate or enthusiastic about animals? PUPPIES ZOMG. I don't know how else to be excited about being there.

I left, held back my tears until I went to get my things. Another coworker saw me and asked why I was upset. I told her I was let go and she seemed really shocked and didn't know what to do. She walked me to the door and everybody that saw me just seemed to be surprised that I wouldn't be coming back. I felt the love, but it hurt all the more. What in the world did I do to not make it there? What happened?

I called my coworker to tell her that our fears were confirmed. Again, shock (and anger) about it. I then called my mother (she had to know at some point) and burst out into tears in the middle of the road. I pulled over and cried into my phone for nearly half an hour. She was patient with me and upset that I had been treated like this. Hell, everybody I knew was upset by this.

I tried to be brave and face this. I went to an interview the next day and turned in about twenty applications. However, that weekend, I stayed curled up in bed and for the first time in my life, I really and truly wished I could just curl up and die. I lack the courage, so you have to deal with me longer. Take that.

Depression aside, it took me a good week to get over the fact that I felt as if my personal working ethics were called into question. And since then, I have been looking for a job. The first day, I put in at least 70 applications a day on CareerBuilder/Monster/etc. The second day was just as much. And so on and so forth until I was only able to put in around five a day due to the fact that I had applied to everything else.

So now I sit in my living room, wondering what I'm going to do next. I am one of the many unemployed and yes, I am in a better situation than they are, but not every situation is the same. It's just as difficult for me as it is for them and, if things progress, it'll only get harder.

My only regret is that my adorable, lovable, and fantastic dog won't be able to get 100% of what she needs, even when I am down to living off of one ramen package a day. It isn't fair to her and all I want is a job where I can provide for her.

Is that so much to ask?